2 Nights of Sleep!!! Yeehaw!!!

We are in shock around here! We have had 2...count them...2 consecutive nights of sleeping through!!! Of course last night I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep, but at least I didn't have to make 4 trips in and out of little mister's room!

The 3 nights before the 2 from heaven were really rough. Jason and I didn't think we'd make it...but here we are, seriously giddy from getting two nights of sleep!!

I know that sleeping through the night isn't the main goal, but that being good parents during the night is the goal. We've never been the kind of parents who will go to any means necessary to have our child sleep all the way through the night. We don't do cry it out, which wouldn't work with squirt's personality anyway. We've always tried to take the approach that since we wake up sometimes and can't go back to sleep, why should we expect a baby to just tough it out and be able to sleep all the way through? Of course, when he does, it's awesome. :)

Anyway, gotta run. It's nap time and I have to get some things done. Hope everyone is having a good day...and gets lots of sleep tonight! ;)

25 weeks and still counting

We would have been 25 weeks on Sunday. I can hardly believe it. Yesterday was really hard for me. I don't know if I shared before, but the genetic testing done on Grace indicated that there were no genetic abnormalities. The words of my nurse were "she was perfect." That leaves only one thing left...it was my body that failed her. I cannot express how painful it is to know that the baby I carried was fine. She was perfect. And yet, my body became her tomb. I wonder when I'll stop counting the weeks. I dread October 19th. That's when I would have held her in my arms for the first time. Instead, there is nothing. A note on the calendar to mark my EDD, and clothes that still fit because there is no baby growing inside me to make them not fit anymore.

I started last week as well, which makes things even worse. Each time I get my period, I feel like I'm losing her all over again. Nothing is the same anymore. My body feels so different now; my cycles are different; everything is different. I desperately want to know why, but at the same time, I know that God doesn't owe me an explanation as to why He took her. I'm not angry or mad at Him, because I know that He did what I asked...He let me experience pregnancy, and for that I'm grateful. I guess the hardest thing is not knowing what's going to happen next. Will we ever conceive again? Will we miscarry again? Will we adopt? Who knows? I hate not knowing what's going to happen...it drives the control freak in me insane! :) lol

I've been doing the 90 day Bible Challenge where you read the Bible cover to cover in 90 days. So far I'm on day 3, but almost to day 5's readings. There are two grace days where you can skip reading if you need to, but I figure if I can stay ahead, I might have a chance at making it, especially with a busy toddler to take care of and a house and husband to take care of as well. :) It's neat to go back and reread things I've read lots of times before. The Bible truly is the Living Word because everytime I read something new pops out to me. What's been popping out lately is that God most definitely opens and closes women's wombs. He does it for many reasons. He opened Leah's womb because she was not loved by Jacob, yet he closed Jacob's other wife's womb (Rachel) because she was his true chosen love and because she was a source of pain for Leah . He closed Sarah's womb because of her lack of faith, and closed the wombs of the entire household of people they stayed with because Abraham lied about her... he said she was his sister instead of his wife so that they wouldn't kill him to get to her. He opened her womb to prove a point and to prove His power and might. The point is this: God opens and closes the womb for reasons unknown to us. He does it for a very specific purpose that I don't think we're inteded to know in many cases. Does this make it easier? No way, but it does provide a chance to grow and mature spiritually.

I don't know why we lost Grace, but I do know that God did close my womb for the time that He did because there was a little baby out there who needed a home. Our son Jonathan needed us to be his parents. I'd go through it all again for him. I still wish I was pregnant, but I'm not, and I have to deal with that in the best way that I can...through lots and lots of prayer.

Happy 4th!

Happy 4th everyone! As we celebrate our country's freedom, let's also take a moment to pray and think about those who have fought and died for the freedom we have, as well as the families now who have loved ones serving overseas and across the US for our country.

Have a great day spending time with family and friends!

Love,
Sarah

Miracles in Life

Sometimes I think of miracles being these huge answers to prayers or these amazingly impossible things happening to defy the odds. I'm trying to look beyond that and see maybe how God wants me to view miracles in the small, not only the big.

Jason was on travel recently and when he's gone I am always afraid. Absolutely terrified that something could, would, might, possibly happen while he's gone. I don't sleep at all, and am a nervous wreck the whole time. I asked some ladies from the Parenting After Infertility online support ministry I am a member of to pray for me. I was witness to a miracle last night. I had no fear. Prayer works!!! It may not seem very important, but to me this was huge. I saw a miracle in my son finally sleeping past 2am for the first time in a VERY long time. I saw a miracle in him sleeping until 5:30am...when he normally wakes up at 4:45am or earlier. He is such a lark...he loves being awake early and always has a smile on his face and a kiss and a hug ready for us.

Other miracles...my headache is gone, my son is happy, healthy, and a blessing to us. We have friends who love and pray for us, even when we feel silly asking for it. Another miracle...the ability to be part of a group of Christian mommas from all around the world who have also faced infertility and loss.

Thanks for letting me share. There's so much I could say about this, but time is limited at this point. Miracles are everywhere...answers to small prayers, big prayers, in the sun that rises each morning, in the moon that shines each night, in the butterfly that gracefully floats across the skies, in the warmth of a hug and kiss. Look for miracles in your lives today...they're everywhere!

OOPS!

I realized this week that the post I made about my new blog had a broken link! Sorry!

You can check out my new blog called A Pocketful of Hope. This blog has been in the works for a couple of years, but it's only recently that I have felt prompted to share some of the devotions and quiet time insights from the Lord from our struggles with infertility, our blessed adoption, and the sadness of our recent miscarriage. It's my hope that you would find some encouragement reading about the spiritual battles, victories, and personal thoughts in my journals.

Love,
Sarah

Signs, Signs, Signs!!!

We've been teaching Jonathan some basic signs using ASL signing and some books we've read, as we've talked about before. He has really taken off! I can hardly keep up with him lately. The new signs we are working on now are table, chair, egg and bread. We try to keep the signs centered around things he's familiar with, but also try to incorporate other signs as we see his need for them.

Currently he can sign with meaning: mommy, daddy, dog, bird, more, all done, water, drink, baby, ball, play, kisses, and banana. Sometimes he signs dog, up, and he has made up signs for things we don't quite understand yet. Mommy and daddy need to get with it huh! :)
His speaking vocabulary includes: momma, dadda, dog (gog), bird (bir), up, go, baby (baba), bubba (his bear), cat, meow, moo, nighty-nighty (ni-ee ni-ee), and bed (be).

He is signing short sentences, his favorite is to sign "mommy's baby". :) I ask him if he is mommy's baby boy, and he signs back "mommy's baby" and gives me a hug. He also signs more water, more to eat/food, more banana (one of his favorite foods) and more kisses. He signs all done when he's done playing in the bath, done with certain things, and when he is full during meals.

Behind us is a family that has 3 dogs, and one of the dogs is a big black dog named Daisy. He loves Daisy and calls her day-dee or dayda. He runs into the backyard to the fence and sticks his hand in for her to give him kisses. She loves Jonathan and bounds down off of their deck whenever she hears that he's outside. Lately when he sees her he signs "baby" and I asked him if Daisy was his baby. He smiled and said "dayda baba" and patted his chest and signed baby. So, now Daisy is Jonathan's baby. :)

Everyday Blessings

Jonathan is such a blessing to us! I feel like the luckiest woman in the world to wake up every day to my awesome husband and to my sweet boy! I know we all have our share of heartaches in this world, but God is teaching me to look at the little things to see the beauty in life and to get my eyes off my own personal heartaches.

These are the everyday blessings I see:
1. Cheerios scattered across the floor from where Jonathan has dropped them
2. Blocks and little block animals on the windowsill
3. Knowing the phone will ring around 8-8:30 each morning as my husband calls to say hello
4. Knowing the house is a mess, but a round of tickling and chasing is of more importance today
5. Random kisses and hugs from both my hubby and my baby